He finally told me.

Today, I headed down to Fullerton to hang out with Victor at his house to watch Spirited Away. He gave me a tour of his lovely home. After the movie was done, we somehow took a nap together on his bed. It ended up turning into cuddling. I enjoyed it. He put a blanket over me and watched me sleep. I couldn’t get over it. We were supposed to head to Huntington Beach afterwards, but we got super comfy and lazy. He ended up taking me to this hip, Vietnamese restaurant in Garden Grove! It was sweet of him to pay for me, but I had to pay also. As we were making our way back to his house, we got into a car crash. It was the scariest moment of my life. Good thing it wasn’t too bad and that nobody got hurt. When we arrived at school, we chilled in his car for awhile. This was the moment he told me he liked me. OHMYGOSH. My heart stopped. It literally skipped a beat. I was overly joyous. Today literally was the perfect day since a lot of things happened at once. Sigh. I’m happy. I can’t wait to go back to school on Tuesday.

Day 3: Carnival Cruise

Technically the last day of the cruise. There wasn’t much to do in the morning since we were on sea for 24+ hours. It was the most horrible experience too… dealing with sea sickness and all. I couldn’t handle the nauseated feeling. I ate breakfast laying my head down on the table, unable to move from point a to point b. So, I decided to kill time by going to the gym for awhile. As I was done with my workout, I encountered Casey and his crew. I was nervous and made a detour. That motivated me to go back to my room, shower, and look cute hoping I’d encounter him again as I nonchalantly crossed the deck. NO LUCK. I saw it coming. I headed back to the room and killed time by watching television. Dinner came along and I met two lovely couples. We all watched a comedy show together, and the newlywed were kind enough to go to the night club with me.
I practically danced the night away by myself for the first couple of hours until Casey brought his crew. The party started picking up. I danced with so many guys, met lots of new friends, and had way too much fun. I wish the night didn’t end. Thanks to the guys I danced with, they made the last night on the cruise a memorable one for me.

Day 2: Carnival Cruise

Arrival at Catalina Island. I ventured quite a lot despite the fact that I couldn’t expand my journey further out onto the island. I also didn’t want to purchase a golf cart because I don’t think I could drive it. I bought a few things, recorded a lot of scenery, and enjoyed the day. It wasn’t much beside the fact I was scared to death riding the boat to the island. The dinner was amazing tonight! I ordered lamb shank and my grandma ordered sirloin steal and lobster tail. They also offered us dessert for some reason. That vanilla crembulee was amazing! I couldn’t get enough of it. Afterwards, we headed to the night club as usual. I literally danced for an hour and a half to a Michael Jackson’s tribute. Not my thing, but I needed the workout. The highlight of my night? Dancing with a random guy from SDSU. His name? KC (Kaycee?). It was all bump and grind, and in all honesty, he was making me feel some type of way. I really wanted to hang out with him and his crew, but my grandma was being a party pooper.
I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again tomorrow night like he said since he was drunk. LOL. Oh well. Other than that, the night ended with a good workout. Twerk fest was poppin’ too. Ha. I can’t believe I’m missing out on what a cruise is supposed to be like.

Day 1: Carnival Cruise

Long Beach departure. I already knew there were going to be some complications during check in. It was a lengthy process, but it went by quickly once we boarded on the actual boat. The cruise ship is amazing in size. It’s not as great as I imagined it, but then again, I’m not paying for this trip. Our room is decent. Two beds, convenient size shower. I can’t really complain. It literally took forever to depart from the pier. There wasn’t much to venture on the boat, nonetheless something to do. I ended up taking pictures of myself before the boat actually started to leave. I’m not quite sure if I’m going to enjoy this trip, but I already have a major headache and minor sea sickness.
I say I would love to travel, but I’m always experiencing complications as I travel… Like home sickness. I already miss my parents. It’s not fun with my grandma since I consistently have to be with her. I have no leisure to do whatever I want. I wish there were more activities to do on this cruise.
We’ll see how things turn out tomorrow when we arrive on Catalina Island. On the bright side, I tried alligator! It does indeed taste like chicken.

You piss me off.
And we’re not even together.
Fucking piece of shit.

How you feel for someone is inevitable.
It sucks to know that I’m falling for a guy who isn’t going to catch me.
I want to carelessly fall without the worry of a sudden stop from free falling or landing on the ground being hurt.
I want to know that I can trust myself enough to let myself go.
Obviously, I know he doesn’t feel the same way back. But why? Why continue to fall for someone who wasn’t there in the first place.